drmarty@bellatlantic.net (732) 246-8484

What should I do if someone in my life needs therapy? People will only benefit from getting help when they are ready to accept it.    Therapy to change another person doesn’t work without that individuals own committed personal involvement.    Without having the other person’s heart and soul really invested in the outcome, things will stay the same.    However, if someone is causing you to be upset and driving you crazy it may be helpful for you to talk with a therapist about the situation.    Gaining your own personal insight into the situation will help you to learn how to deal with the other person and their troubling behavior. What I often hear at this point is "but I’m not the problem", immediately followed by a long litany of things the other person has done.    Fair enough.    The problem is that you can’t change them unless they want to change themselves.    They are upsetting you and you can either let that go on or figure out what to do about it.    Yes, most people already feel that they have tried everything and nothing has worked.    It’s usually not clear that learning to live with this situation is still a suitable option.    On the other hand, you’re not sure that leaving this person out of your life will solve more problems than it will create.    Do you really have to accept that you are in a situation that just won’t change? A comprehensive answer to this question must address several different issues.    The most important thing to consider is that it is actually very difficult in practice to try to remedy the situation by yourself when you are constantly beset by the other person’s behavior.    You may already have tried many things and I want you know that it can be very useful to have some idea of what doesn’t work.    It is also important to realize that there are a vast array of options that have not yet occurred to you.    In other words, there are other choices to consider beyond what hasn’t worked so far.    After all, if you had found something that worked, you wouldn’t still be looking for a solution. The good news is that if you are motivated to reach out to a therapist for any life issue that is important to you, then you are probably a good candidate to be helped by therapy.    Having enough motivation to try to change your life is more than half of the battle in effecting a successful outcome.    We change and grow because we are not comfortable with where we currently find ourselves.    The key to your own success and happiness in this type of situation is to not allow yourself to be held an emotional hostage by the other person’s reluctance to seek help. Back to Dr. Marty's Home Page