drmarty@bellatlantic.net (732) 246-8484

Why do we stop ourselves from seeking help? It is not unusual at all for people to feel some measure of reluctance when considering therapy.    In fact this feeling of reluctance can at times be a useful starting point in the search for inner happiness and a more fulfilling life.    Although hesitation to the point of paralysis may not serve you well, most major life decisions (such as entering therapy) should probably be given some careful thought.    The real question is not whether we feel reluctant, but whether the feeling of reluctance serves us well at this point in our life.  Consider some of these frequently voiced concerns: "How could someone else know what is right for me, when I don’t even know myself?" "My life is so difficult that no one can help me!" "Why bother? Life isn’t meant to be enjoyable." "What makes the therapist so perfect?" "I’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t work!" In a sense, there may actually be some legitimate reasons for these feelings.  It may be true that no one person can know what is right for you, but that does not mean that a trained therapist can’t help you with the process of your own self-discovery.    When life is unusually difficult, it certainly is not easy to drum up the energy to explore other possibilities.    Why bother indeed?    I think we all know that it is no fun to be constantly tired and perpetually exhausted.    This feeling of reluctance can be your bodies way of saying that there are already too many things to do with too little time to do them.    There is a reason to bother however.    The reason is that it is your life, your hopes and your dreams that are being sacrificed. Another very legitimate area of concern is regarding the qualifications of a particular therapist or the quality of a particular type of therapy.    Given the state of health care in our country, who wouldn’t be concerned?    As is usually the case, the greater the concern, the greater the reluctance.    Again the question is whether the reluctance is serving you well.    It is true that no one is perfect and that no therapist is without his or her own set of personal problems.    Therapists are people and all people have limitations of some sort.    On the other side of the coin, a therapist that has struggled with their own issues will personally understand from first hand experience how difficult your struggle is.     The best qualities of good therapy come from life itself, not just textbooks and classrooms.    If you are concerned about a therapist’s limitations as a human being, try asking yourself the following question: Are the therapist’s difficulties (whatever they may be) getting in the way of helping you? Has the therapist learned from their difficulties in a useful and constructive way? Do you feel that the therapist is kind and sensitive, as well as knowledgeable? Another reason people resist therapy is because they once went to a therapist and they didn’t feel that it help them with their situation.    Therapy, like most things, is part training and part skill.    There is also a lot to be said for achieving the right kind of inter-personal "chemistry".    This is the rapport that makes the therapeutic process possible.    Just because one therapist didn’t work for an individual doesn’t mean that another therapist can’t be quite effective in helping.    Also if you haven’t participated in therapy for awhile, your current life situation may be more conducive to success than it would have been previously. When considering any of the thoughts above, let reluctance be your ally by acknowledging that there may be very real and very serious issues causing your hesitation.    It is normal, healthy and prudent to be concerned about your future.    However, if you feel that your reluctance has gone beyond concern and is interfering with your ability to make an informed decision, it may be time to talk about some of the other possibilities now.    Please feel free to contact me for a no-cost, no-obligation opportunity to discuss your specific circumstances and answer any questions you might have. Back to Dr. Marty's Home Page